My little sister is learning how to drive. I’m not sure why they’re letting 8-year-olds get their permits (because my baby sister CANNOT be 15 already) but from the moment I arrived home for Christmas it was a constant begging of “Can we go to Target, or maybe to Albertsons? hmmm, does Mom need any milk for dinner?” Suddenly I was being offered up to run an endless list of errands, all from the passenger seat of my Nissan.
I remember when I first learned how to drive. I was so overwhelmed with everything I had to do - press the gas pedal just the right amount, turn the wheel, check the mirror, and don’t forget your turn signals. Everyone in the car had to stay silent, and if my left elbow itched, it itched until my car was fully into park. Just pulling out of my driveway into my residential neighborhood was a feat worthy of celebration and praise.
Today I left my apartment at 8:08 and suddenly the clock switched to 8:18 and I was pulling into my office - 4 miles away, with my makeup freshly applied, tea half empty in my left hand and email fully checked before I hit the office door. I don't actually remember turning out of my apartment onto the busy 4-lane street, or navigating morning traffic as I passed 3 freeways and the normal morning variety of idiot commute drivers. I just arrived, on auto-pilot, and walked through the door.
Funny how things change in a matter of a few years. Then again, I kinda feel like that's been life for me in general lately. 6-months ago I was completely overwhelmed at the thought of paying bills, maintaining my car, balancing work and life and a boyfriend, all while trying to learn navigating the new LA traffic that had become my life. Everything was an extreme stretch, and waking up at 7 am required conscious planning and effort.
Today I rolled out of bed and hit the shower before I realized my alarm hadn't even gone off. I checked my email and paid the gas bill simultaneously on my iPhone, not giving any thought to the process as I greeted the Fed-Ex guy at the office. Suddenly a life that was exciting and stressful and new has become ... autopilot.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Merry New Year and a Happy New Blog!
Yes, it’s January. The entire world is set on keeping their New Years resolutions. (It’s still January 8th, so that statement remains true for at least another 7-days.) The world is filled with good intentions, so I’ll add another one to the batch.
I’m actually going to keep blogging here.
I wish I could say that the past 4-months have been a whirlwind of adventure, leaving me no time to detail you on the turbulent journey that is me reaching adulthood. It hasn’t been. Then again, the past 4-months haven’t been a prison sentence of ho-hum boredom either. I’ve pretty much just been lazy, or selfish. Or maybe a little bit of both.
How I managed to completely skip over 4-months of my life, I couldn't tell you. When I was in college I had semesters to mark my life. It's been x amount of days since mid-terms, or y amount of weeks until the final. You started dating so-and-so the fall semester of your Junior year, and bought your favorite t-shirt the summer before you were a Senior.
Suddenly, when you graduate, all sense of time gets thrown out the window. (and don't even get me started on how life-altering it is to no longer list your facebook albums by semester.) You begin living for the weekends, and there's no summer break to hold out for. Soon you can't remember if the weekend you lost your flip flops at the beach was in July or January. (and here in Southern California, either month is a toss up.)
Before you know it, it's been A YEAR since you finished school. One full year, can you believe it? I certainly can't. Then again, there was a time where life was filled with blue books, paper cuts, and coffee. lots and lots of coffee. Today those stresses are a thousand miles away. Instead I came home from work today, took an hour to decide on dinner, and stared at a book before deciding once again to toss it somewhere under my stack of bills. (This may or may not be the same book I've attempted to finish SINCE my last final, but that's neither here nor there.)
Where has all the time gone? What have I done? Suddenly my built in self-reflection time has withered up and a winters break worth of "what now" must be fit somewhere into the weekend between "wash all the dishes from last week" and "neah, I don't think I'll make the bed again today." It's a different life now, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.
But maybe that's it. Maybe I'm not supposed to figure out how to deal with it. I just deal. I wake up, I go to work. I see movies when I want, I binge on Grey's Anatomy episodes when I want. I pay the bills, and if I decide I feel like making a spur of the moment trip up North, I put it on my credit card.
Then suddenly, I wake up, and it's January. and it's been 4-months since I've blogged. Hello again.
I’m actually going to keep blogging here.
I wish I could say that the past 4-months have been a whirlwind of adventure, leaving me no time to detail you on the turbulent journey that is me reaching adulthood. It hasn’t been. Then again, the past 4-months haven’t been a prison sentence of ho-hum boredom either. I’ve pretty much just been lazy, or selfish. Or maybe a little bit of both.
How I managed to completely skip over 4-months of my life, I couldn't tell you. When I was in college I had semesters to mark my life. It's been x amount of days since mid-terms, or y amount of weeks until the final. You started dating so-and-so the fall semester of your Junior year, and bought your favorite t-shirt the summer before you were a Senior.
Suddenly, when you graduate, all sense of time gets thrown out the window. (and don't even get me started on how life-altering it is to no longer list your facebook albums by semester.) You begin living for the weekends, and there's no summer break to hold out for. Soon you can't remember if the weekend you lost your flip flops at the beach was in July or January. (and here in Southern California, either month is a toss up.)
Before you know it, it's been A YEAR since you finished school. One full year, can you believe it? I certainly can't. Then again, there was a time where life was filled with blue books, paper cuts, and coffee. lots and lots of coffee. Today those stresses are a thousand miles away. Instead I came home from work today, took an hour to decide on dinner, and stared at a book before deciding once again to toss it somewhere under my stack of bills. (This may or may not be the same book I've attempted to finish SINCE my last final, but that's neither here nor there.)
Where has all the time gone? What have I done? Suddenly my built in self-reflection time has withered up and a winters break worth of "what now" must be fit somewhere into the weekend between "wash all the dishes from last week" and "neah, I don't think I'll make the bed again today." It's a different life now, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.
But maybe that's it. Maybe I'm not supposed to figure out how to deal with it. I just deal. I wake up, I go to work. I see movies when I want, I binge on Grey's Anatomy episodes when I want. I pay the bills, and if I decide I feel like making a spur of the moment trip up North, I put it on my credit card.
Then suddenly, I wake up, and it's January. and it's been 4-months since I've blogged. Hello again.
Happy New Year! Kinda?
I just re-read my last post from 4 months ago and laughed. It feels like eons, yet days ago I was just starting my semester in Los Angeles. Now it's over and things are completely different AGAIN. I'll have to post a longer blog about my previous semester. Now it's time for a new year and a new me! (sort of...well, not really at all)
Translation? "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I HATE MONEY!!!!!!"
But this new post is about what is happening in my life, in the moment! Against all odds, Husband and I ended up back in Las Vegas. Strangely enough, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Life isn't easy (living in the spare bedroom of your sister-in-laws house never is), but we're surviving. And Vegas is a whole hell of a lot cheaper than Southern California. So the goal is to stick it out until we can move somewhere we want or (gulp) maybe stay in Vegas. I of course would rather not stick it out in Sin City, but it does have its appeal. (Don't tell Twixter One. She'll come murder me out here)
The meat of the problem of my life is work. I have a pretty decent chance of working for an internet service provider out here, doing "retention." AKA, "misery." Well...ok...not "misery" but angry customers who want to cancel their service, I have to convince them to keep it and possibly spend more money. The only major positives to this job is it pays AMAZINGLY well and is consistently 40 hours a week. As in the debt I have will be totally paid off in probably 6 months tops with Husband and I working. Which is a huge goal of ours for this next year.
My other potential job is at a super fun restaurant as a hostess. Although I've only had 1 interview out of 3, so we'll see how that goes. The flaw with the restaurant is the hours aren't set. I could have anywhere from 20 to 35 hours. But I know my life would be significantly happier there. But less money equals stress elsewhere than the workplace.
So now, here I potentially stand at a Twixter moment. Do I choose the fun, less stable job or be the adult and choose the job I don't want for the bigger picture? The retention job makes me cringe internally/possibly punch something every time I think about it. But then my mind wanders to the idea of being debt free, and having the ability to buy a computer that doesn't overheat after an hour, or jeans without holes in them or an apartment.
So now, here I potentially stand at a Twixter moment. Do I choose the fun, less stable job or be the adult and choose the job I don't want for the bigger picture? The retention job makes me cringe internally/possibly punch something every time I think about it. But then my mind wanders to the idea of being debt free, and having the ability to buy a computer that doesn't overheat after an hour, or jeans without holes in them or an apartment.
That's all. Thanks and it's good to be back. I plan on writing in here a lot more. Seeing as I'm unemployed at the moment, it really helps inspire blog posts.
--Twixter Two
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
My Life is Upside Down
Wow, so it's been quite some time since I updated. After the wedding, my whole life just turned upside down.
I was accepted into a film program last fall that I was insanely exicted about. Problem was, after visiting with financial aid and talking with the husband, we realized that we just didn't have enough money to survive in the film program. (We're not allowed to work while we attend the program). So we decided to withdrawal and move back to Las Vegas. I can be honest: this idea literally depressed me. I hated my job even more and despised waking up in the morning knowing that in a few weeks I would be back in the place I swore I would NEVER return to. But then my life was turned upside down again.
We got a call from the film program; they were offering us a scholarship to come out to LA. Of course inside I was ecstatic, but very, very wary. What if it didn't work out? What if when we got out here, we ran out of money? Was this the mistake we had saved ourselves from making, only to make it again? Aside from all of those questions, we went back to financial aid and a sort of miracle happened. We ended up with enough money to make it and moved out to LA two days later. We are definitely still scraping by and it's not the magical touristy experience we were looking for, but we are here!!
I AM IN LA. The place I have been dreaming about being in for so long. It's completely overwhelming. During the whole first week of orientation I would get home and fall asleep immediately only to wake up early the next morning for another all day long rules lecture. While I was so happy, I was SO bored. It was such a long week.
Now that it's done, the exciting part starts to happen. I'm filming a short film this weekend and have hopefully set up an interview with a production company on a famous studio lot. (This anonymity is fun).
So my life is totally upside down from where I thought I would be 2 weeks ago. Yet here I am. This year should be pretty interesting.
I was accepted into a film program last fall that I was insanely exicted about. Problem was, after visiting with financial aid and talking with the husband, we realized that we just didn't have enough money to survive in the film program. (We're not allowed to work while we attend the program). So we decided to withdrawal and move back to Las Vegas. I can be honest: this idea literally depressed me. I hated my job even more and despised waking up in the morning knowing that in a few weeks I would be back in the place I swore I would NEVER return to. But then my life was turned upside down again.
We got a call from the film program; they were offering us a scholarship to come out to LA. Of course inside I was ecstatic, but very, very wary. What if it didn't work out? What if when we got out here, we ran out of money? Was this the mistake we had saved ourselves from making, only to make it again? Aside from all of those questions, we went back to financial aid and a sort of miracle happened. We ended up with enough money to make it and moved out to LA two days later. We are definitely still scraping by and it's not the magical touristy experience we were looking for, but we are here!!
I AM IN LA. The place I have been dreaming about being in for so long. It's completely overwhelming. During the whole first week of orientation I would get home and fall asleep immediately only to wake up early the next morning for another all day long rules lecture. While I was so happy, I was SO bored. It was such a long week.
Now that it's done, the exciting part starts to happen. I'm filming a short film this weekend and have hopefully set up an interview with a production company on a famous studio lot. (This anonymity is fun).
So my life is totally upside down from where I thought I would be 2 weeks ago. Yet here I am. This year should be pretty interesting.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Your Mother has posted a comment.
My mother has a facebook. In fact, so does my grandfather.
This fact used to annoy me greatly - is NOTHING sacred?!
I spent over a month on heightened alert, watching my profile like a hawk until I realized I could set my privacy settings to do the job for me - Now, Mum & Granddad are free to peruse my page without any danger of discovering my sarcastic status about only having rum in my fridge. (Which is a lie, there's orange juice in there too.)
It's every child's nightmare to have their parents enter into the digital age, but recently I've begun to realize the perks. My mother is famous for hour long phone conversations. and some days, those phone convo's are just what I need. But other days I don't need to hear a 15-minute ramble on what kind of bread she bought at the grocery store.
And that's where facebook comes in. Even better - that's where AIM comes in. (Yep, remember that from Jr. High. Love it. Use it. Really.) Now, instead of countless phone calls throughout the day (including at all hours during work) Mum can hop on the computer to shoot me a quick facebook post, or a quick IM, and whats done is done.
Oh the wonders of the digital age.
This fact used to annoy me greatly - is NOTHING sacred?!
I spent over a month on heightened alert, watching my profile like a hawk until I realized I could set my privacy settings to do the job for me - Now, Mum & Granddad are free to peruse my page without any danger of discovering my sarcastic status about only having rum in my fridge. (Which is a lie, there's orange juice in there too.)
It's every child's nightmare to have their parents enter into the digital age, but recently I've begun to realize the perks. My mother is famous for hour long phone conversations. and some days, those phone convo's are just what I need. But other days I don't need to hear a 15-minute ramble on what kind of bread she bought at the grocery store.
And that's where facebook comes in. Even better - that's where AIM comes in. (Yep, remember that from Jr. High. Love it. Use it. Really.) Now, instead of countless phone calls throughout the day (including at all hours during work) Mum can hop on the computer to shoot me a quick facebook post, or a quick IM, and whats done is done.
Oh the wonders of the digital age.
What Retail Has Taught Me
The one thing that working in retail these past 3 months is patience.
I have learned patience in many different facets. Starting with customers. I know this is the obvious answer. Any job working with the public will lead you to the "customer" who is always right. I have asked a customer if they need help finding a size, they answer no, then proceed to tear apart the stack of shirts I just folded. That part irks me the most. I literally just offered to help but American consumers need help but won't ask for it. So I find myself offering help and rarely getting a response. It honestly makes my day when a customer actually asks for help. My job is much more joyous when I don't have to size pencil skirts every minute of my shift.
The next aspect of patience is learned by my co-workers. I never thought I would find myself in clothing retail. Most of the girls I work with are the stereotype of what I always suspected in woman's retail. Many women who love to talk about the other co-workers and spend a good chunk of their paycheck every week. On the other hand, I have to look at the tempting clothes on sale without purchasing a single item. I am saving every penny just for food and bills. I get frustrated hearing my lovely co-workers whine about how they are so broke but leave their shift with a bulging bag of new merchandise.
And finally, I learn patience because it is just a job I do not truly enjoy. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad. I like being on my feet and interacting with customers (minus the aforementioned issue). But I want to be doing something interesting. I want to feel like I'm contributing to my future. Working in retail pales in comparison to how I would like to feel in my job.
On a separate exciting note, I'm moving to Los Angeles in a week and a half to start a film program. I can't wait to start my internship. Maybe then, even while I'm making copies and answering the phone, I'll feel like I'm contributing to something bigger. We shall see.
I have learned patience in many different facets. Starting with customers. I know this is the obvious answer. Any job working with the public will lead you to the "customer" who is always right. I have asked a customer if they need help finding a size, they answer no, then proceed to tear apart the stack of shirts I just folded. That part irks me the most. I literally just offered to help but American consumers need help but won't ask for it. So I find myself offering help and rarely getting a response. It honestly makes my day when a customer actually asks for help. My job is much more joyous when I don't have to size pencil skirts every minute of my shift.
The next aspect of patience is learned by my co-workers. I never thought I would find myself in clothing retail. Most of the girls I work with are the stereotype of what I always suspected in woman's retail. Many women who love to talk about the other co-workers and spend a good chunk of their paycheck every week. On the other hand, I have to look at the tempting clothes on sale without purchasing a single item. I am saving every penny just for food and bills. I get frustrated hearing my lovely co-workers whine about how they are so broke but leave their shift with a bulging bag of new merchandise.
And finally, I learn patience because it is just a job I do not truly enjoy. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad. I like being on my feet and interacting with customers (minus the aforementioned issue). But I want to be doing something interesting. I want to feel like I'm contributing to my future. Working in retail pales in comparison to how I would like to feel in my job.
On a separate exciting note, I'm moving to Los Angeles in a week and a half to start a film program. I can't wait to start my internship. Maybe then, even while I'm making copies and answering the phone, I'll feel like I'm contributing to something bigger. We shall see.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Home - Sweet - Home
It's been two weeks since I've moved into my new apartment, and I am absolutely delighted with the place. It's the luxury that I could never afford in college, including having my own room AND bathroom.
Somewhere around my junior year I had resigned to the fact that I would never have my own room again. I'd move straight from the cramped student dorms, to a cramped post-college apartment, to eventually getting married. All of which required sharing a room and shutter a closet with an unsuspecting stranger. After spending 17-years of my life having my own room, I mourned the loss of my privacy and uninterrupted closet space.
So, even though I may be spoiling myself a bit too much, I was delighted when I realized I could not only have my OWN room, but also my OWN bathroom at the new place. Now I can scatter makeup and brushes and cotton balls from one end to the other without my roommate ever uttering a sound. (Not that my current roommate, "the Actress" would even care).
Yet, as wonderful as it is to have my own place, I came to a quick realization just how much everything COSTS after the first weekend of settling in ended. Little things I took for granted - like the floor lamp that went home with my roommate, or my university-provided standard college desk, suddenly became "luxury items" after realizing that almost half my "impressive salary" went straight to my rent check.
I've always been a good manager of money, and paid for all of my college bills off of my minuscule part-time student worker paycheck. But I always had the benefit of relying on my student loans to give me one lump sum to pay off my subsidized University housing each semester. Now that I can't put rent on my already overburdened credit card, the necessity of a desk or lighting goes WAY down on the priority list.
Needless to say, I was delighted to find a gem of a desk on Craigslist for only $10! I'd looked at the desk not two weeks before at Ikea, but for a whopping $110 +tax, there was NO WAY I'd be getting it. But with a couple of screws, a little bit of nail glue, and homemade dinner as a bribe, my boyfriend put together my very first desk of my own. WoooHoo!
Now the apartment is almost settled, minus the fact that we have zero decorations and are slipping back into the 1800s and surviving on candlelight. (hey, it cuts the energy bill too - right?) It feels good to finally have a place to call "home" after over 4 years of a slightly flexible definition of "home." Somehow, I'm starting to feel like a grown up - especially with my rent check due in less than 2 weeks.
Somewhere around my junior year I had resigned to the fact that I would never have my own room again. I'd move straight from the cramped student dorms, to a cramped post-college apartment, to eventually getting married. All of which required sharing a room and shutter a closet with an unsuspecting stranger. After spending 17-years of my life having my own room, I mourned the loss of my privacy and uninterrupted closet space.
So, even though I may be spoiling myself a bit too much, I was delighted when I realized I could not only have my OWN room, but also my OWN bathroom at the new place. Now I can scatter makeup and brushes and cotton balls from one end to the other without my roommate ever uttering a sound. (Not that my current roommate, "the Actress" would even care).
Yet, as wonderful as it is to have my own place, I came to a quick realization just how much everything COSTS after the first weekend of settling in ended. Little things I took for granted - like the floor lamp that went home with my roommate, or my university-provided standard college desk, suddenly became "luxury items" after realizing that almost half my "impressive salary" went straight to my rent check.
I've always been a good manager of money, and paid for all of my college bills off of my minuscule part-time student worker paycheck. But I always had the benefit of relying on my student loans to give me one lump sum to pay off my subsidized University housing each semester. Now that I can't put rent on my already overburdened credit card, the necessity of a desk or lighting goes WAY down on the priority list.
Needless to say, I was delighted to find a gem of a desk on Craigslist for only $10! I'd looked at the desk not two weeks before at Ikea, but for a whopping $110 +tax, there was NO WAY I'd be getting it. But with a couple of screws, a little bit of nail glue, and homemade dinner as a bribe, my boyfriend put together my very first desk of my own. WoooHoo!
Now the apartment is almost settled, minus the fact that we have zero decorations and are slipping back into the 1800s and surviving on candlelight. (hey, it cuts the energy bill too - right?) It feels good to finally have a place to call "home" after over 4 years of a slightly flexible definition of "home." Somehow, I'm starting to feel like a grown up - especially with my rent check due in less than 2 weeks.
