Wow.
That is all I can say. One of my favorite shows of time, the show I have been watching live since the 2nd season, is over.
I just finished the series finale of LOST not 30 minutes ago. I have to tell you I couldn't feel more satisfied.
This won't be a spoiler blog, just my feelings of the final episode overall.
After the finale, I feel completely happy. I know there are still questions left unanswered but honestly, I don't give a shit. I LOVED the finale. I watch this show not only for the mysteries but for the love of the characters and their journey through the hell that is the island and their realities. It has been the people that have kept me enthralled even 6 seasons later.
Jack has been my favorite character from the pilot episode. Even when he was a douche bag all throughout season 3-4, I was loyal. I knew that he would redeem himself. And my God, he did.
As stated before, I'm not a very emotional person, at least vocally. I definitely found myself gasping and jumping in my seat as the story came to a close.
And yes, I will admit it, I cried.
As the final shots and conversation were happening, tears of joy and saddness ran down my face. I've been watching Lost for the last 5 years. It's been such a huge part of my life. When we first got to college, Husband and I bought season 1 on sale and started it. We ended up staying up all night for 2 nights in my car due to the dorm rules watching it on my mini DVD player. After that we were hooked.
I went to Comic Con and watched the LOST panel 2 years running. I'll never forget nearly each commercial break turning to Husband and whatever friends were watching mouth agape yelling, "WHAT?!?! What does that even mean?!" I've theorized, dreamed, screamed, jumped, laughed, cried and fought about LOST. It's been apart of me for nearly 1/4 of my life. It will always be something very special to me.
While I'm happy it's over and I feel satisfied, I'm truly mourning that my longest TV relationship has come to an end.
Oh LOST. What in the world am I going to do without you?
Do you watch LOST? How did you feel about the ending?
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
I'm FREE!!!!
This morning is the morning I’ve been waiting for, working for, dreaming of for the last year and a half.
No - there’s no new job, ring, house, niece, nephew or cat.
But I WAS greeted with this lovely sight after making my internet rounds this morning:
That’s right! After 6-months of unemployment and over a year and a half of carrying a nasty balance on my two very high interest rate credit cards - I’M OFFICIALLY DEBT FREE!!! (Or at least bad debt free as I’ll be working to pay off “the big one” for years to come.)
I’m the kind of person who likes to work on a project, and see immediate results. I have a check list on my stickies that controls my life - I live to be able to check things off that list - to see immediate action and immediate results.
Of course, attempting to pay off thousands of dollars in credit card debt is not an instant gratification deal. At first I got frustrated - almost gave up - because even though I was brown bagging it to lunch and learning to enjoy window shopping, my credit card bill ate up my $100 payments like a little kid clearing broccoli from his dinner plate - there was SOMETHING gone, but no one could tell quite what.
But almost exactly a year later I have paid off every last penny. I feel a weight lifted from my shoulders - and it’s not just from the monetary freedom. I almost feel as if by paying off the last of my debts, I have finally put the stressful time of unemployment, my car accident, and the huge transition of moving solo to a brand new city behind me. I have paid my debt in full, and there is nothing left to haunt me from that stressful and trying time. I can start anew.
Now I have tons of plans for the future. Like HAVING A SAVINGS and finally tithing the full 10%. But none of my plans involve spending any extra money, or picking up those nasty credit cards again. In fact - I pretty much plan to stick to the same plan I’ve been on for this past year - just with a little extra cash to put towards much worthier investments. Here’s just a a few of my suggestions:
Budget for your expenses - and enjoyment - then sick to it!
I’ve heard time and time again from friends who will only budget for what they NEED (rent, food, utilities, gas) but feel guilty building in room in their budget for enjoyment. But just because you’re broke, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy life! In fact, you’re more likely to spend MORE money on “fun things” if you don’t budget for it. I have a budget for all the necessities, but I also built in a budget for entertainment, eating out, and my Disneyland pass. This way, I knew when it was okay to relax and enjoy myself - and when the budget ran tight, I stopped.
Pay Cash for EVERYTHING -or-
Use your credit card like a debit card - but be careful!
This is something that I’m split on, because I’ve done it both ways. For a while, I was using my credit card like a debit card - spending only the cash that I had in my checking account, and nothing more. It helped me earn up useful points (see more on that below) but it also got me into trouble. When I wasn’t scared about emptying my account, I didn’t analyze my purchases, and sometimes ran WAY over what I should have spent. It was also hard to track how much money I was putting towards my credit card debt - because I was transferring “regular expenses” to the credit card every pay check as well.
I eventually went back over to the old fashioned debit card / cash option, and now I pay for EVERYTHING out of my checking account. I switched over my automated payments to my debit card (with google reminders set to tell me when it’ll be taken out) and watch my mint.com account like a hawk to ensure I don’t stumble into overdraft. In fact, it’s worked pretty handy because I’m SO scared of going over, that I never even come close - helping me reign in my spending even more.
Put a little into savings, and the rest on to debt management
My savings is minuscule, but every month without fail I made sure something got deposited into my savings account to keep me afloat. However, once I fed my savings account, and made sure that the rest of my expenses would be covered - I dumped the rest onto my credit card. I realize this was a risky play, but as long as I knew that there was some money in savings to cover an emergency, and enough cash to cover me my money was doing little good just sitting in a checking account. Yes, it was nerve racking to see my checking balance low more often than not - but the comfort of seeing my credit card dip lower was better. In fact, if it wasn’t for a couple of major cash payments I made on my card in the last couple of months, I’d probably still be fighting the debt monster.
Use your points to pay finance fees
Obviously, one of the worst parts of credit card debt is the finance fees, they can eat you alive. However, even with the thousands of dollars of credit card debt, my total finance fees came under $100. How did I do this? Points, my friend. Since I was lucky enough to have a credit card with an amazing points system, I was able to cash in the thousands of points (from thousands of dollars) into cash - or rather statement credits that almost completely wiped out my finance fees.
Knowing I’ve finally conquered my credit card debt, and only for $100 worse, I feel like I can do anything! Well - anything that is, except for shopping. I think I’ll hold off on that for just a bit more.
No - there’s no new job, ring, house, niece, nephew or cat.
But I WAS greeted with this lovely sight after making my internet rounds this morning:
That’s right! After 6-months of unemployment and over a year and a half of carrying a nasty balance on my two very high interest rate credit cards - I’M OFFICIALLY DEBT FREE!!! (Or at least bad debt free as I’ll be working to pay off “the big one” for years to come.)
I’m the kind of person who likes to work on a project, and see immediate results. I have a check list on my stickies that controls my life - I live to be able to check things off that list - to see immediate action and immediate results.
Of course, attempting to pay off thousands of dollars in credit card debt is not an instant gratification deal. At first I got frustrated - almost gave up - because even though I was brown bagging it to lunch and learning to enjoy window shopping, my credit card bill ate up my $100 payments like a little kid clearing broccoli from his dinner plate - there was SOMETHING gone, but no one could tell quite what.
But almost exactly a year later I have paid off every last penny. I feel a weight lifted from my shoulders - and it’s not just from the monetary freedom. I almost feel as if by paying off the last of my debts, I have finally put the stressful time of unemployment, my car accident, and the huge transition of moving solo to a brand new city behind me. I have paid my debt in full, and there is nothing left to haunt me from that stressful and trying time. I can start anew.
Now I have tons of plans for the future. Like HAVING A SAVINGS and finally tithing the full 10%. But none of my plans involve spending any extra money, or picking up those nasty credit cards again. In fact - I pretty much plan to stick to the same plan I’ve been on for this past year - just with a little extra cash to put towards much worthier investments. Here’s just a a few of my suggestions:
Budget for your expenses - and enjoyment - then sick to it!
I’ve heard time and time again from friends who will only budget for what they NEED (rent, food, utilities, gas) but feel guilty building in room in their budget for enjoyment. But just because you’re broke, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy life! In fact, you’re more likely to spend MORE money on “fun things” if you don’t budget for it. I have a budget for all the necessities, but I also built in a budget for entertainment, eating out, and my Disneyland pass. This way, I knew when it was okay to relax and enjoy myself - and when the budget ran tight, I stopped.
Pay Cash for EVERYTHING -or-
Use your credit card like a debit card - but be careful!
This is something that I’m split on, because I’ve done it both ways. For a while, I was using my credit card like a debit card - spending only the cash that I had in my checking account, and nothing more. It helped me earn up useful points (see more on that below) but it also got me into trouble. When I wasn’t scared about emptying my account, I didn’t analyze my purchases, and sometimes ran WAY over what I should have spent. It was also hard to track how much money I was putting towards my credit card debt - because I was transferring “regular expenses” to the credit card every pay check as well.
I eventually went back over to the old fashioned debit card / cash option, and now I pay for EVERYTHING out of my checking account. I switched over my automated payments to my debit card (with google reminders set to tell me when it’ll be taken out) and watch my mint.com account like a hawk to ensure I don’t stumble into overdraft. In fact, it’s worked pretty handy because I’m SO scared of going over, that I never even come close - helping me reign in my spending even more.
Put a little into savings, and the rest on to debt management
My savings is minuscule, but every month without fail I made sure something got deposited into my savings account to keep me afloat. However, once I fed my savings account, and made sure that the rest of my expenses would be covered - I dumped the rest onto my credit card. I realize this was a risky play, but as long as I knew that there was some money in savings to cover an emergency, and enough cash to cover me my money was doing little good just sitting in a checking account. Yes, it was nerve racking to see my checking balance low more often than not - but the comfort of seeing my credit card dip lower was better. In fact, if it wasn’t for a couple of major cash payments I made on my card in the last couple of months, I’d probably still be fighting the debt monster.
Use your points to pay finance fees
Obviously, one of the worst parts of credit card debt is the finance fees, they can eat you alive. However, even with the thousands of dollars of credit card debt, my total finance fees came under $100. How did I do this? Points, my friend. Since I was lucky enough to have a credit card with an amazing points system, I was able to cash in the thousands of points (from thousands of dollars) into cash - or rather statement credits that almost completely wiped out my finance fees.
Knowing I’ve finally conquered my credit card debt, and only for $100 worse, I feel like I can do anything! Well - anything that is, except for shopping. I think I’ll hold off on that for just a bit more.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Sacrifices for Happiness
Since I can't very well allow Twixter One to post a blog and not have one to follow, here I am. Many, many things have changed since my last entry.
Here's the mini run down:
-Husband and I may or may not be moving to Florida. We may be looking into California. (Do not die of a heart attack Twixter One. You need to be on gchat nao so I can update you.)
-I quit the very well paying job I hate to take 2 lesser paid jobs that make me much happier
- I started filling out all the paperwork to go back to school this next year and graduate. I seriously cannot wait.
-Husband finished his second novel of his life and I couldn't be prouder.
Now, some explanation. I'll start with just explaining this last weekend since it pretty much changed our lives.
This last weekend, one of our best friend's from college (whom we shall call Gavin) graduated. When he invited us to his graduation party, we knew that no matter what happened, we would be there.
But first, I have been applying like a mad women (even while at work) to other places so I could quit my call center job. I knew I needed to have 2 jobs to cover what I was making there but needed to get out of that place so bad it was making me depressed. So I applied like crazy and Thursday night I got a call. I had interviewed at Old Navy and they wanted to hire me. I had the potential of 40 hours as long as I was available. And boy was I available. During the last week I had also been in talks with a manager from Starbucks (thanks to the Husband's rocking connections, I got to skip the whole interview process and just talk straight to a manager who needed a barista). She had sounded pretty sure she was going to hire me. So as soon as Old Navy offered me the job, I got in my car, drove to my call center and quit on the spot.
This was a very rash move for me. I've never just up and quit a job in my life. Ironically they wouldn't have let me put in notice anyway. They really didn't care. Proving even more how much I hated that job. So I snuck out like a thief in the night with all the items from my desk and got ready to go to California. My shoulders felt like a giant weight was lifted off them and I was practically dancing as I shopped for random stuff we'd need for the trip.
On the way down, I was confessing to husband that I was kind of depressed to be going to our old school and town because to me, the drive felt like I was going home, not going to visit. To be honest, I've felt ever since we moved that California was my home. As excited as I was for adventure and moving to Florida, I was scared it would be just like Las Vegas without family. Just Husband and I in an apartment with only 1 friend an hour away. I had suppressed that thought for a long time.
But California. Husband and I arrived looking snazzy and dressed up for graduation. It was really fun to see all the people we had missed. All the while I was slightly shriveling inside.
This was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be graduating right now.
I only have 6 classes left. But due to the move and Husband and I's financial situation and the lack of married housing on campus, we were forced to move straight to Nevada without a glance back. I sat there at graduation, proud of all my friends who were wearing their gowns and walking up the stage but still reminded I should be done. And wanted to be done. Now.
After graduation we had an amazing day. Gavin's graduation party was exactly what I want mine to be. A small group of family and closest friends celebrating a great milestone with beer and pizza. It was perfect. Afterwards, we went to the beach and just played in the sand. Gavin and his cousin and his brother from Maine actually went swimming like crazy people. But I guess if we swim in the ocean in Maine, Newport Beach isn't so bad. Afterward we ate dinner, hung out at the bathwater warm pool.
Husband and I had a dawning realization.
We miss people.
We're extremely social and as of right now, we sit in our apartment and watch TV. Every once in a while we have people to hang out with. But not like in California. We hung out with Gavin nearly every single day for 2 years. Not to mention one of my best friends in the world and maid of honor (whom we shall call Riley) was there everyday too. I just need that back again.
So needless to say, Husband and I are looking into all our options, which include moving back to California this upcoming fall or spring. We've got a lot to figure out, but I can't wait to decide.
Miss you all.
Twixter Two
Here's the mini run down:
-Husband and I may or may not be moving to Florida. We may be looking into California. (Do not die of a heart attack Twixter One. You need to be on gchat nao so I can update you.)
-I quit the very well paying job I hate to take 2 lesser paid jobs that make me much happier
- I started filling out all the paperwork to go back to school this next year and graduate. I seriously cannot wait.
-Husband finished his second novel of his life and I couldn't be prouder.
Now, some explanation. I'll start with just explaining this last weekend since it pretty much changed our lives.
This last weekend, one of our best friend's from college (whom we shall call Gavin) graduated. When he invited us to his graduation party, we knew that no matter what happened, we would be there.
But first, I have been applying like a mad women (even while at work) to other places so I could quit my call center job. I knew I needed to have 2 jobs to cover what I was making there but needed to get out of that place so bad it was making me depressed. So I applied like crazy and Thursday night I got a call. I had interviewed at Old Navy and they wanted to hire me. I had the potential of 40 hours as long as I was available. And boy was I available. During the last week I had also been in talks with a manager from Starbucks (thanks to the Husband's rocking connections, I got to skip the whole interview process and just talk straight to a manager who needed a barista). She had sounded pretty sure she was going to hire me. So as soon as Old Navy offered me the job, I got in my car, drove to my call center and quit on the spot.
This was a very rash move for me. I've never just up and quit a job in my life. Ironically they wouldn't have let me put in notice anyway. They really didn't care. Proving even more how much I hated that job. So I snuck out like a thief in the night with all the items from my desk and got ready to go to California. My shoulders felt like a giant weight was lifted off them and I was practically dancing as I shopped for random stuff we'd need for the trip.
On the way down, I was confessing to husband that I was kind of depressed to be going to our old school and town because to me, the drive felt like I was going home, not going to visit. To be honest, I've felt ever since we moved that California was my home. As excited as I was for adventure and moving to Florida, I was scared it would be just like Las Vegas without family. Just Husband and I in an apartment with only 1 friend an hour away. I had suppressed that thought for a long time.
But California. Husband and I arrived looking snazzy and dressed up for graduation. It was really fun to see all the people we had missed. All the while I was slightly shriveling inside.
This was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be graduating right now.
I only have 6 classes left. But due to the move and Husband and I's financial situation and the lack of married housing on campus, we were forced to move straight to Nevada without a glance back. I sat there at graduation, proud of all my friends who were wearing their gowns and walking up the stage but still reminded I should be done. And wanted to be done. Now.
After graduation we had an amazing day. Gavin's graduation party was exactly what I want mine to be. A small group of family and closest friends celebrating a great milestone with beer and pizza. It was perfect. Afterwards, we went to the beach and just played in the sand. Gavin and his cousin and his brother from Maine actually went swimming like crazy people. But I guess if we swim in the ocean in Maine, Newport Beach isn't so bad. Afterward we ate dinner, hung out at the bathwater warm pool.
Husband and I had a dawning realization.
We miss people.
We're extremely social and as of right now, we sit in our apartment and watch TV. Every once in a while we have people to hang out with. But not like in California. We hung out with Gavin nearly every single day for 2 years. Not to mention one of my best friends in the world and maid of honor (whom we shall call Riley) was there everyday too. I just need that back again.
So needless to say, Husband and I are looking into all our options, which include moving back to California this upcoming fall or spring. We've got a lot to figure out, but I can't wait to decide.
Miss you all.
Twixter Two
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Lover of Books
In High School I was a lover of books. My suitcase would constantly outweigh that of all 5 of my family members’ after 4 or 5 different novels were snuck into the side creases. I brought books to my brother’s soccer games, on long car rides to our favorite Mexican restaurant across town, and even on summer vacation. Our family vacation albums are filled with pictures of me curled up on the dock with a book and a sunburn while the rest of the kids splashed from the lake.
My love of books was probably what lead me to enroll in an Great Books honors program when I was in college. (And most likely my love of story that lead me to becoming a film major). Unfortunately, while my film degree lead me to consume more and more movies and TV by the day, my classical honors education almost dried up my desire to pick up a good book.
The 4-year program demanded thousands of pages of reading from me each week during every semester of my college career. (Don’t believe me? Go and pick up “The Iliad” and “The Odyssey” and prepare yourself for my first week of freshman year.) My semesters were enlightening and intense, and at the end of the four years I can honestly say I earned my class ring. But after shoving thousands of years of literary genius into 4-years of mental insanity, I have no desire to read anything other than the headlines of Deadline.com .
I’m inching on a full year since graduation (and a year and a half after finishing my coursework) and I have successfully read 3 books. The first “The Sex Lives of Cannibals” took me a record 6-months to complete a measly 272 pages. On a slightly better record it took me 1 month to re-read “The Devil Wears Prada” and 4 days to read “The Hollywood Assistants Handbook” - not anywhere near the high literary caliber I’ve accustomed myself to but strangely applicable to my current situation in life.
It’s not that I don’t WANT to pick up the dusty paper backs that are still sitting in plastic crates in the side of my room. The epic tales of the centuries, combined with my own fond memories of microwaveable rice and cherry coke at 3 in the morning, still taunt me as I refuse to both unpack or sell my college treasures.
But, by the time the day is done, and I’ve read through all 118 of my Google Reader feeds, scoured hundreds of emails, and checked every facebook message while praying dinner is slightly edible - I’m exhausted. My brain is too tired to imagine delving into another world page by page - it is much much easier to press play on another Gilmore Girl rerun and know that even if I fall asleep, I can still predict the outcome in the end.
I’d always taken myself as a “lifelong learner” and somewhat glazed over the part of graduation where professors urged us to “continue our love of learning and our love of books” - believing that my newfound freedom would leave me plenty of room to read the books I now wanted to read. But a year out, I’m finding myself on the other side of the table.
What about you? Did years of academic rigor exhaust any love of books right out of you? or are your college paper backs now threadbare from many post-college book-a-thons?
Or better yet, any book recommendations for a post-collegiate who’s ready to slowly inch back into the world of the reading?
My love of books was probably what lead me to enroll in an Great Books honors program when I was in college. (And most likely my love of story that lead me to becoming a film major). Unfortunately, while my film degree lead me to consume more and more movies and TV by the day, my classical honors education almost dried up my desire to pick up a good book.
The 4-year program demanded thousands of pages of reading from me each week during every semester of my college career. (Don’t believe me? Go and pick up “The Iliad” and “The Odyssey” and prepare yourself for my first week of freshman year.) My semesters were enlightening and intense, and at the end of the four years I can honestly say I earned my class ring. But after shoving thousands of years of literary genius into 4-years of mental insanity, I have no desire to read anything other than the headlines of Deadline.com .
I’m inching on a full year since graduation (and a year and a half after finishing my coursework) and I have successfully read 3 books. The first “The Sex Lives of Cannibals” took me a record 6-months to complete a measly 272 pages. On a slightly better record it took me 1 month to re-read “The Devil Wears Prada” and 4 days to read “The Hollywood Assistants Handbook” - not anywhere near the high literary caliber I’ve accustomed myself to but strangely applicable to my current situation in life.
It’s not that I don’t WANT to pick up the dusty paper backs that are still sitting in plastic crates in the side of my room. The epic tales of the centuries, combined with my own fond memories of microwaveable rice and cherry coke at 3 in the morning, still taunt me as I refuse to both unpack or sell my college treasures.
But, by the time the day is done, and I’ve read through all 118 of my Google Reader feeds, scoured hundreds of emails, and checked every facebook message while praying dinner is slightly edible - I’m exhausted. My brain is too tired to imagine delving into another world page by page - it is much much easier to press play on another Gilmore Girl rerun and know that even if I fall asleep, I can still predict the outcome in the end.
I’d always taken myself as a “lifelong learner” and somewhat glazed over the part of graduation where professors urged us to “continue our love of learning and our love of books” - believing that my newfound freedom would leave me plenty of room to read the books I now wanted to read. But a year out, I’m finding myself on the other side of the table.
What about you? Did years of academic rigor exhaust any love of books right out of you? or are your college paper backs now threadbare from many post-college book-a-thons?
Or better yet, any book recommendations for a post-collegiate who’s ready to slowly inch back into the world of the reading?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sorry for the Silence
I've been silent, I know. Right after I write a post about how I'd be posting more. But this monster has been taking up ALL of my waking (and some sleeping) hours:
Since I don't have any time to write now, I'll simple say -
Biola Media Conference 2010: Worlds Collide. Check it out at: www.biolamedia.com
And excuse the silence while I go back to obsessing about tables, and chairs, and drapes. Oh my!
Since I don't have any time to write now, I'll simple say -
Biola Media Conference 2010: Worlds Collide. Check it out at: www.biolamedia.com
And excuse the silence while I go back to obsessing about tables, and chairs, and drapes. Oh my!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
On a Nerdy, Happy Note: Eclipse and Last Airbender!!!
Well, after my last post, I figured the Twixters out there could use a little happiness. I was awoken by an awesomely sad dream at 7 am this morning which I proceeded to write down. This dream could possibly be fleshed out into a story. I just may try!But in nerdy news, this last Friday was the release of the final Last Airbender Trailer and the Eclipse Trailer. Needless to say I was in nerd heaven. I go home from work (after a lovely alcoholic Pear Cider from BJ's with the Mom) and sat down to watch the trailers.
Let's being with the Last Airbender. I will admit, I was jaw dropped open, smiling at the screen the whole trailer. Starting with the moment we see Appa. The large air bison that Aang and the crew ride for the entire saga. It's amazing and we get to see him fly. Just a quick second, but that was all I needed. We next get to see a larger glimpse into the Fire Nation. And sweet Jesus does it look good. We also get a small glimpse of Aang fighting with the masked crusader, the "Blue Spirit". For those of you who watched the cartoon, you know who this awesome character is. For those that don't, I won't ruin it. But their fighting together looks AMAZING. It jumps around to some more wonderful CG that is epic. Aang flying, more water and fire bending, and a final small fight scene between Zuko and Aang. I died and went straight to nerd heaven.
Now, Eclipse. I was very excited about this trailer, but my reaction wasn't nearly as excited. Maybe it's because I've read the books so much and now already associate the actors with the book characters in my mind, it's not that hard for me to imagine transference of book to film. Needless to say, I watched anyhow and filmed my reaction. My first thought was I love Jacob. Seriously. I'm so happy Taylor Lautner got to stick it out because I think he's perfect. I love the larger part he plays in Eclipse. And the wolves look SO much better. It hasn't even been that long since New Moon but the CG is much improved. My favorite like in the trailer would have to by Jacob's, "As long as we get to kill some vampires.". Awesome. The newborn army is so much bigger looking on screen than I ever imagined in my head, which is definitely a good thing. I am so excited about the fighting it's ridiculous. I will say that one of Stephanie Meyer's weakness is her inability to really write fight scenes. Our main character Bella is usually so wrapped up in herself or unconscious during any sort of fight that we never see them in the books. David Slade's vision of the fight scenes look epic and amazing.So there you go. My reactions to the new nerdy trailers this week. What did you guys think? Which one did you like better or did you only watch 1 or the other? Let us know!
Friday, April 23, 2010
The Blog That Stopped All The Others
Well, to be honest, I can make a bunch of excuses why I haven't blogged in over 2 weeks I think now. I've had so much to do, I've been so busy with work, haven't had much to write about.
The problem is all aforementioned excuses and the plethora more I can create are not the truth. The reason I haven't written is because I was avoiding writing this blog in particular. Now you may say, "Why Twixter Two didn't you just skip this one and move on?" Ah. There in-lies the problem.
My grandfather, whom I call Opa died April 17 a few years ago. He had been sick for a few years, fighting cancer and going in and out of the hospital. Even though through all that, he'd always been there.
Ironically now that I'm trying to write this blog, I don't know what to say.
How do you blog about things like this? Even when it's "anonymous" I still can't seem to express how hard it is to randomly think about calling him and remembering I can't. I can still remember the smell of his house and his cologne. I remember stealing his brush as a little kid so I could brush my hair with it so it'd smell like him. My Opa helped raise me from a baby. I was the first kid's diaper he changed even after having 5 kids himself and other grandchildren before me.
For whatever reason I was his special girl and he was always my favorite. He was so proud of me graduating high school and going to college. I still get sad knowing that he wasn't there at my wedding.
Even though I didn't cry at his funeral, I feel like a piece of me is missing with him gone. I can't even begin to understand how it feels like to lose someone you love when it's a complete surprise. It's been a few years and I still can't help buy nearly cry when I see things that reminds me of him. It makes it even harder being back in Las Vegas where he's been most of my life. When I was in California, I could pretend like he was still there but I just kept forgetting to call. Here, it's real. His house has someone else in it. His favorite places to eat won't have him as a customer, and haven't for quite some time.
I'll forever pay full price for a pint of hagan daas coffee ice cream since that was always his favorite. He would eat it so smoothly straight out of the pint. As a kid, I'd sit on his kitchen counter eating his ice cream with my clumsy un-even scoops but he never seemed to care.
I still can't really talk to anyone about this. I feel embarassed for whatever reason. Like I shouldn't be this sad still when there are people like Husband who lost his dad. I can't even think about that idea.
I feel like i'm just emotional vomit blogging now. I think this is at least a start. Maybe now I can blog about more silly/fun things like the new Eclipse trailer or the book series I finished a few weeks ago. We'll see.
The problem is all aforementioned excuses and the plethora more I can create are not the truth. The reason I haven't written is because I was avoiding writing this blog in particular. Now you may say, "Why Twixter Two didn't you just skip this one and move on?" Ah. There in-lies the problem.
My grandfather, whom I call Opa died April 17 a few years ago. He had been sick for a few years, fighting cancer and going in and out of the hospital. Even though through all that, he'd always been there.Ironically now that I'm trying to write this blog, I don't know what to say.
How do you blog about things like this? Even when it's "anonymous" I still can't seem to express how hard it is to randomly think about calling him and remembering I can't. I can still remember the smell of his house and his cologne. I remember stealing his brush as a little kid so I could brush my hair with it so it'd smell like him. My Opa helped raise me from a baby. I was the first kid's diaper he changed even after having 5 kids himself and other grandchildren before me.
For whatever reason I was his special girl and he was always my favorite. He was so proud of me graduating high school and going to college. I still get sad knowing that he wasn't there at my wedding.
Even though I didn't cry at his funeral, I feel like a piece of me is missing with him gone. I can't even begin to understand how it feels like to lose someone you love when it's a complete surprise. It's been a few years and I still can't help buy nearly cry when I see things that reminds me of him. It makes it even harder being back in Las Vegas where he's been most of my life. When I was in California, I could pretend like he was still there but I just kept forgetting to call. Here, it's real. His house has someone else in it. His favorite places to eat won't have him as a customer, and haven't for quite some time.
I'll forever pay full price for a pint of hagan daas coffee ice cream since that was always his favorite. He would eat it so smoothly straight out of the pint. As a kid, I'd sit on his kitchen counter eating his ice cream with my clumsy un-even scoops but he never seemed to care.
I still can't really talk to anyone about this. I feel embarassed for whatever reason. Like I shouldn't be this sad still when there are people like Husband who lost his dad. I can't even think about that idea.
I feel like i'm just emotional vomit blogging now. I think this is at least a start. Maybe now I can blog about more silly/fun things like the new Eclipse trailer or the book series I finished a few weeks ago. We'll see.
