Oh Baby...

I feel like babies are all around me. Sister-in-Law has her little munchkin that is growing so much. Nephew is now 5 months but looks like he's 3 months since he was born 2 months premature. He's starting to get little fat rolls and a double chin. It's wonderful.

On that note, I was pursuing facebook, or picture stalking as those who are brave enough to admit it call it, where I discovered one of my first friends from junior high had twins recently. TWINS. I remember the beginning of our friendship, watching her branch off to find more friends since she was much cuter and less socially awkward than my group of friends (which was 2 of us mind you). I watched her remain so nice all through junior high and high school even with popularity and public school life. Now seeing pictures of her looking...well...like a mom with her 2 daughters is overwhelming.

Now that I'm married, the possibility of children is looming. It's a terrifying prospect. I do want kids. Several in fact. But I feel so conflicted about it. I have found myself worrying about what IF. What if I did get pregnant now? Obviously having no real steady income yet is a problem. As well as no property to call my own. But that's not what I think about it. When I think about it, I end up feeling...guilty.

Now, Twixter Two. Why would you feel guilty about having a kid? You're married. You're sprightly! It's the next step! What does it matter?

Well....I find the phrase "worst thing in the world that could happen to me right now" snakes through my head. I know that's extreme. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I think I would make a good Mom. And Husband would be an awesome Dad. It's just....I'M YOUNG!

I'm only 22. I don't want to have a kid yet. There's things I want to do. What if I want to move back to LA? If I want to be in the film industry or any industry that requires a lot of standing (which I want...forever) it's not too good to have kids. Not to sound dramatic, but having a kid ends one spouses everyday life. It changes everything. I'm not naive enough to think that life goes on the way it did before you have kids.

Now let me clarify. No one is making me bear children. I actually want to have kids early so that way they're out of the house. :) (spoken like a true Twixter at heart. Get the kids out so I can go on vacation!). The question is...when? UGH.

Twixter One is so much less dramatic than me right now. I need to have some more fun in life.