The Blog That Stopped All The Others

Well, to be honest, I can make a bunch of excuses why I haven't blogged in over 2 weeks I think now. I've had so much to do, I've been so busy with work, haven't had much to write about.

The problem is all aforementioned excuses and the plethora more I can create are not the truth. The reason I haven't written is because I was avoiding writing this blog in particular. Now you may say, "Why Twixter Two didn't you just skip this one and move on?" Ah. There in-lies the problem.

My grandfather, whom I call Opa died April 17 a few years ago. He had been sick for a few years, fighting cancer and going in and out of the hospital. Even though through all that, he'd always been there.

Ironically now that I'm trying to write this blog, I don't know what to say.

How do you blog about things like this? Even when it's "anonymous" I still can't seem to express how hard it is to randomly think about calling him and remembering I can't. I can still remember the smell of his house and his cologne. I remember stealing his brush as a little kid so I could brush my hair with it so it'd smell like him. My Opa helped raise me from a baby. I was the first kid's diaper he changed even after having 5 kids himself and other grandchildren before me.

For whatever reason I was his special girl and he was always my favorite. He was so proud of me graduating high school and going to college. I still get sad knowing that he wasn't there at my wedding.

Even though I didn't cry at his funeral, I feel like a piece of me is missing with him gone. I can't even begin to understand how it feels like to lose someone you love when it's a complete surprise. It's been a few years and I still can't help buy nearly cry when I see things that reminds me of him. It makes it even harder being back in Las Vegas where he's been most of my life. When I was in California, I could pretend like he was still there but I just kept forgetting to call. Here, it's real. His house has someone else in it. His favorite places to eat won't have him as a customer, and haven't for quite some time.

I'll forever pay full price for a pint of hagan daas coffee ice cream since that was always his favorite. He would eat it so smoothly straight out of the pint. As a kid, I'd sit on his kitchen counter eating his ice cream with my clumsy un-even scoops but he never seemed to care.

I still can't really talk to anyone about this. I feel embarassed for whatever reason. Like I shouldn't be this sad still when there are people like Husband who lost his dad. I can't even think about that idea.

I feel like i'm just emotional vomit blogging now. I think this is at least a start. Maybe now I can blog about more silly/fun things like the new Eclipse trailer or the book series I finished a few weeks ago. We'll see.